Mistake For Life
by Bellatrix wannabe 89
Summary: When Olivia sleeps with a certain Defense Attorney, she'll have made a mistake that lasts a lifetime.  OT. Repost
1. Chapter 1

**Elliot: We own everything. All the characters, the settings, the-**

**Olivia: Shut up, Elliot, don't confuse the readers! The author owns nothing but the plot and this is a repost of the original story 'Mistake for Life' since the first edition, um... well…**

**Elliot: Sucked. Hard. Like unbelievably hard. But the author improved it, you have my word! **

Olivia awoke with a splitting head and her stomach twisting in uncomfortable knots. She could see the bright early morning light through her lids and she winced as she slowly opened them, putting a hand over them to shield her eyes from the vivid sun even further. When she finally had the strength to remove her protection she felt her heart jump in her throat for two reasons. One, as hard as she tried she couldn't remember a thing that had happened last night after she got to the bar with her colleagues, and two;

She had no idea where the hell she was.

It was a bedroom that was far beyond her means as a Grade 2 detective with soft spotless dark blue carpet covering the floor, a cherry red bedside stand with a dark red stained glass lamp that appeared to be worth more than all of her lighting displays put together standing on top of it, and a painting of a woman from the early 1900's in a decretive gold frames as tall as a full grown man hung on the beautifully painted walls that was the same shade as the carpet.

Olivia swallowed hard as she closed her eyes as she slowly reached down with a shaking hand and felt between her legs, cringing when she felt that tell tale wetness and aching pain between her legs. Whatever had happened during the night one thing was absolutely positive; Olivia had had sex with someone huge and she had a lot of it…

Fighting back nausea that came with some unknown man pushing into her she threw the heavy down comforter off of her and went to sit up when another heart stopping realization dawned on her.

Someone strong had their arm wrapped tight around her waist and wasn't letting go…

Olivia felt her panic mount to an even higher level as she slowly turned towards her captor, expecting some ugly sleaze of a 'man' who she would never even dream of having a relationship with otherwise.

The only thing she got wrong about her bedside mate was the ugly part…

Olivia couldn't help it. It was far too disturbing to her to even be in the same room alone with this monster let alone in his bed with him spooning her like she was his lover. She screamed.

"Whasgoinon?" Trevor Langan slurred as his eyes opened just a fraction, letting out a monstrous yawn.

When he caught sight of Olivia he gave her a tired smile before realization dawned on him and he screamed in terror as well.

"What the hell is going on?" he shouted as he and Olivia struggled to get out of the bed and the mess of sheets and blankets they were tangled in.

"How should I know?" Olivia yelled back as she and Trevor finally managed to make it out of the bed, each of them grabbing and fighting for the same white silk sheet to cover one another up.

"Give me the sheet!" Olivia barked as she wrenched it from his grasp and hastily wrapped the covering around her. Trevor quickly grabbed one of the pillows and held it in front of him as Olivia glared icily at him.

"What the hell did you do to me?" Olivia demanded as he pulled the sheet around her body tighter.

Trevor scoffed like she had just told him he had three heads and stared crossly at her. "'What did I do to you?'" He repeated her question as if it was the most asinine thing he had ever been asked. "What the hell did YOU do to ME?"

"ME?" Olivia screeched, her voice several octaves higher than usual. "I didn't do anything to you, you ass!"

Trevor gave her a cross glare before he sat on his bed and bowed his head. "This is bad, this is so bad..." he grumbled as he put his head in his hands.

"Bad? Bad would be looking GOOD right now! This is a catastrophe!" Olivia snapped as she too sat on the bed, facing the opposite wall as him.

After several moments of extremely tense uncomfortable silence Trevor cleared his throat and turned just a hair of a fraction to look back at her. "So… was I good?"

Olivia simply turned and stared at him for a long moment. "Really?"

Trevor shrugged as if he had said something innocent. "Well that's usually the first thing you ask after you get done with sex and I gotta tell you, Benson, most of the women I've been with answer with everything from 'hell yes' to 'you're a God, do me right here right now'."

"Congratulations, you finally… _met_ a woman with actual standards."

Trevor narrowed his eyes irately at her. "That was low, Benson."

"I don't care, and no, you probably weren't."

Trevor glared at her again but kept his opinions about his love making to himself as he turned back towards his side of the room. After another long moment Trevor cleared his throat once more. "So… I mean are we allowed to talk about this or-."

"NO!" Olivia interrupted, furious he would even consider letting anyone know about their late night rendezvous. "Don't speak about it to anyone, don't write about it, and don't even think about it! Alright we can't tell ANYONE about this, do you understand? Not a single living soul! No scratch that, not even a dead soul can know about this!"

"Alright, alright!" Trevor snapped as he held his hands up in mock defeat. "God, relax yourself a little bit!"

This time it was Olivia's turn to glare. "Bottom line; you tell anyone, and I will personally hunt you down and cut off your head, and no, I'm NOT talking about the one with that minute brain in it!"

Trevor simply shrugged and smirked at the glowering Detective. "Is this how you treat all your dates?"

"You are not my date! You are someone I had a night of probably boring short lived, uninteresting sex with!" Olivia argued as she stood up from the bed and began to search for her clothes.

Trevor got up from the bed as well before he easily found his boxers at the foot of the bed. He pulled them on before he began to silently help her search.

He got down and searched under the bed and swallowed hard when he spotted an empty bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup.

"Find anything?" Olivia asked as she finally found spotted her jeans behind the headboard.

Trevor dropped the empty container and shook his head. "Um, no," he muttered as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You get anything?"

"Everything but my shirt," she said with a heavy sigh as she glanced at the clock on his bedside table. "And I'm already late for work."

Trevor went over to his drawer and pulled out a plain white T-shirt. "Here," he told her as he tossed her the shirt and she easily caught it. "The size runs small so it shouldn't be that big on you. Well… You won't be swimming in it in any case."

Olivia offered him a half assed smile that looked more like a grimace than anything. "Thanks."

There was another long awkward moment before Olivia gratefully broke it. "Uh, where's your bathroom?"

Trevor pointed to a closed door on the side she had been staring at. "Right through there."

With another ill at ease 'thanks' Olivia headed into the bathroom and shut the door behind her, ignoring the low whistle that Trevor gave when the sun shone just right on the sheet making the thin material see through.

When she had the door shut safely behind her Olivia leaned up against the wall and felt tears well in her eyes.

"No," she told herself as she wiped away the badges of cowardice. "You will not cry over this. It happens all the time to women."

"Not with a Defense Attorney who hates you!" she argued with herself.

Olivia sand down to the floor and took several shuddering deep breaths that she tried to hide by covering her mouth up with her hand.

He was going to tell everyone. She knew it. He would become the God of a man who managed to score with the sex cop prude Olivia Benson and she would simply be known as another slut who spread her legs for him.

His reputation would soar while hers, the one she had struggled to gain from her male colleagues, plummeted and there wouldn't be a damn thing she would be able to do about it…

Olivia's eyes closed as two tears fell down her face. She hastily wiped them away with the back of her hand before she stood up and began to get dressed, wincing at the pain that Trevor had unknowingly, or at least she prayed it was unknowingly, caused her.

Once she was finished she splashed some cold water on her face to lessen the appearance of her tears before she headed out into the main room and saw Trevor making coffee still only clad in his boxer shorts.

He turned back towards her and gave her a timid smile. "I figured we could use some coffee," he announced as he held up an empty mug.

"No thank you. I gotta go. You know, get to work," she told him unable to turn away from his well built six pack abs.

"Not bad," she thought as he turned around again to finish making the coffee.

"Really REALLY not bad," she thought once more this time staring at his ass. Trevor turned again just in time to see Olivia divert her eyes towards anything else but him.

He smirked at her but never the less remained silent about catching her staring at him. The lawyer held up his own mug of steaming hot coffee. "You sure you don't want some?"

Olivia declined politely again and grabbed her jacket, her phone, purse and, to her extreme joy, her gun belt with her cuffs, gun, and badge attached to the inexpensive leather, from the island in the kitchen. She offered another embarrassed grin, told him goodbye, and headed for the door.

"Hey, Benson," Trevor called out to her making her turn back towards him. He walked up to her and gave her a sincere smile. "I know how much your reputation means to you and what could happen if this got out so no one will hear about it, at least not from me."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and for the first time this morning a genuine smile graced her lips. "Thank you, Trevor. That means a lot to me."

He nodded then cleared his throat as a timid blush broke out against his skin. "So do you mind if I ask you something?"

"What?"

"I've always wondered something about and figured that now would be the best time to ask. Um… what's your size?

She narrowed her eyes in confusion. "I'm sorry, my what?"

"You know… your size. I always guessed you were a C cup. But now that I've actually seen you without a shirt I'm going with D."

Olivia glared harshly at him, all previous nice sentiments she was thinking about, as small as they were, flying out the window. "You're a disgusting prick!" she snapped before she turned on her heel and left his loft slamming the door behind her.

As she made her way towards the elevator Trevor's door opened and he called out for her to stop once more.

With a heavy sigh she turned towards him. "What do you want?" she asked with an air of annoyance.

"You grabbed my phone," he told her as he held out her white IPhone. Olivia pulled Trevor's phone out of her pocket and handed it to him. "Thanks," she told him as she grabbed her own phone.

"By the way, Stabler called."

"What?" she yelled as she put the thin phone to her ear. "Benson," she answered once more glaring at Trevor who shrugged and threw his hands in the air as if to tell her 'I didn't do anything!'

"Who the hell was that and where are you?" Elliot demanded sharply.

Olivia sighed and ran her hand through her disheveled hair, cringing in disgust when she felt something sticky forming a knot in her usually silky smooth locks. "I know I'm late but my cable guy came early and I had to be here while he fixed it, he couldn't come back another time. I must have grabbed his phone by mistake."

"Well Cragen's pissed and you're gonna have to deal with him later but right now we got a case at nineteenth and seventy, building 67, apartment 5H."

"I'll be right there," she promised before she hung up her phone and turned towards Trevor. She hung up the phone and looked at Trevor. "Thanks for the phone," she told him as she turned around to leave the building once more.

Trevor reached out and grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her back towards him. "Wait, Liv I-."

"Don't call me Liv!" she snapped crossly.

"Fine, _Benson_. But I was wonder what are we gonna do when we see each other at work?"

"I'll hate you and- oh wait sorry; I'll still hate you and you'll continue to defend child molesters and rapist who ruins women and children's lives."

Trevor ignored her cruel remarks and instead sighed and nodded. "So we pretend this never happened?"

"Right. Now if you excuse me I got to get to work and I'm sure you have dozens of pedophiles to get back on the street."

Without another word she walked off leaving Trevor alone in the abandoned hallway. He watched her walk away before he headed back inside his apartment shutting the door behind him. Trevor called his secretary, told her he was far too ill to come in today, silently thanking God he didn't have any open cases at the moment, before he headed back into his bedroom.

He had just lain down on the bed when he noticed a faint red light blinking on top of his Blu-Ray player. Curiosity won out against his hangover and he went over to the light and experienced a very 'oh shit' realization dawned on him when he found the source;

An expensive camcorder pointed directly at the bed.

Trevor swallowed hard as a sweat dripped down his brow. Olivia would never know it existed and he would get rid of the tape after he watched it so no one else realized it either…

He hooked up the camcorder to his TV and he grabbed the remote before he sat on the bed, his heart pounding and his nerves frayed. He half expected Olivia to swoop in any moment and beat him senseless for not destroying it the moment he realized what they had done…

With a quick press of a few buttons at first all he saw was black but then he heard very familiar voices in the background.

"How, how the hell do you turn this stupid thing on?" Trevor heard himself slur.

"It is on, you jus' gotta take the stupid lens thingy off," an also heavily intoxicated Olivia told him. Real life Trevor breathed a sigh of relief. At least she had consented to the video tape…

The darkness was gone in a quick flash and he saw his wall before the camera was picked off by a stumbling hand and it was aimed at the bed where Olivia was lying down on the mattress with a cunning grin overtaking her face.

"Are you ready for your close up, Olivia?" Trevor on the TV asked playfully as he zoomed in on her still covered curves.

Olivia laughed, then got off the bed and stumbled over to him before the camera was set on the much sturdier Blu-Ray player. Trevor came into view, still dressed entirely, and went up to Olivia who eagerly kissed him and pressed her body tight against his.

Trevor chuckled as his hands reached down and pawed her tight ass. "You don't waste an- any time do you?"

"I actually like take my time with everything," she breathed with a heavy air of seduction as her hand trailed down and stroked the massive bulge in front of his jeans.

The Trevor sitting on the bed moaned softly and felt himself twitch as he watched her touch him. God she was a fucking knock out…

"Good," Trevor told her, his voice low and sultry as he kissed her once more before leading her to the bed. "I love girls who take their time."

Real life Trevor sighed as he watched himself lay Olivia down on the bed and climb on top of her. As much as he wanted to know what they had done the previous night, knowing that Olivia would never know, he couldn't do that to her. He knew she never would have consented to being taped having sec if she was sober. Hell he knew she never would have consented having sex with him PERIOD if she was sober and he knew enjoying what was on the tape would be the same as if he had taped her unbeknown to her in a sober state.

With a heavy sigh he turned off the TV hating his conscious more than anything right now…

He threw the remote down on the floor and easily fell asleep; dreaming about what the rest of the tape had on it…

**Elliot: Haha! **

**Olivia: Don't say it!**

**Elliot: Fine… Haha, you slept with Trevor!**

**Olivia: Just stop alright? Please? Anyway, readers, please review. And also, no, the author did not steal this. It was her story originally just under a different pen name and if you go to the 'LivElRocks A Lot' profile you'll see proof she and this author are on in the same and it's impossible to steal your own stories.**

**Elliot: So to clarify, please review, but no 'you stole this!' reviews. Thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Elliot: Hello all, we're back!**

**Olivia: Thanks for the reviews! It really meant a lot to us.**

**Elliot: Yeah thanks, guys. Oh and she still doesn't own SVU. Our creator Dick Wolf and NBC does. Enjoy **

Struggling to keep her stomach content at bay, Olivia walked into the apartment complex and moaned when she saw not an elevator to the fifth floor where her victim was, but a long rickety staircase she would need to climb up.

Olivia leaned against the wall before she closed her eyes for a long moment praying hard that her head would stop pounding and her nausea would disappear soon. The prominent aching between her legs made her wince and she fought to remember what Trevor had done to her. Apart from when she was sixteen and 'dating' a thirty three year old man, she had never been in this much pain after sex.

A near heart stopping thought raced through her mind and she swallowed her fear as best she could. Maybe what they had done wasn't consensual. Maybe he forced himself on her and the pain that shot through her was a reminder of the fact she didn't want what Langan wanted but he took it anyway…

The mere idea of being assaulted by that bastard was too much. She felt that all too familiar lurch in her stomach before she raced outside and sprinted towards the alley way where she emptied whatever she had drank last night onto the ground. After she was done she rested against the wall gasping for breath while tears mingled with sweat rolled down her face.

"Olivia?" a comforting voice called to her. "Liv, are you alright?"

The Detective slowly turned and saw Elliot leading a man in handcuffs staring at her with furrowed eyes.

"I'm fine," she muttered as she wiped her mouth before she pulled out a pack of spearmint gum from her purse and ate half the pack. "Who's this?" she asked with a nod towards the cuffed man Elliot was holding as she fought against the urge to be sick again.

"Our rapist Rick Ledger, who was a big enough idiot to come back for his coat," Elliot began with a smirk, looking at the man whose face grew red with blush. "Thought he was a big enough badass he scared her from calling the cops."

"Funnily enough they all think that, none of them really are," Olivia said with her own smug grin as she looked up at him but her face fell when her stomach twisted in knots once more. As much as she wanted to, Olivia held back vomiting on the perp's shoes, instead choosing to close her eyes and take long slow deep breaths that she hoped would help ease her hangover.

"I think someone got a little smashed last night," said Ledger with a smirk.

"And I think someone needs to shut their mouth!" Elliot barked before he turned back towards his partner. "You okay?" he asked, his voice a complete 180 from a moment before.

"I'll be fine," she lied as she straightened out and ran a shaking hand through her disheveled hair. "Let's just get to the precinct."

Wordlessly she headed towards her own car while Elliot took the prisoner and threw Ledger in the back of the squad car before he walked back over to Olivia. "So what happened to you last night?" he asked as he leaned against her car crossing his broad arms in front of his chest.

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously, her eyes narrowing in confusion.

"All I know is we went out with the intention to forget the Gomez case, and I woke up using Kathy's potted plant as a pillow and was using a pink rain poncho as a blanket.

At least you woke up at your own house, Olivia thought bitterly but as she promised herself, she didn't speak a single word about what had happened between her and Trevor. Well… At least what she could remember. She shrugged carelessly as if nothing of any life changing vital importance had happened while she pushed a stray piece of fallen hair from her eyes. "I remember going out to the bar with you and everyone else then I woke up on my couch with the cable man knocking on my door," she lied.

Elliot eyed her with a serious degree of disbelief. She faltered under his gaze and looked down towards the concrete beneath her feet and swallowed the truth along with her fear that he knew something she couldn't remember.

"You just got your box fixed last week and you ranted and raved about it for days before. Now you say it broke again, so much so you needed a seven AM appointment and you're late for work because of it, and you don't offer a word?"

"I realized it was stupid and immature to go off on a tangent about the cable. And why is this so important to you?" she added with a twinge more anger then she had intended

"Because you're my partner," he offered with a shrug as if those four words would be enough of a reason.

"Well I'm fine, nothing happened, so just stop alright?" she snapped as she glared crossly at him, gripping the car handle so tight she wouldn't be surprised if she had left indentations on the painted black metal.

"Whatever, Liv," Elliot told her as he raised his hands in mock surrender. "Keep it a secret but remember I'm just as good a detective as you so whatever's going on with you I promise you I'll figure it out."

"Well good luck with that," she spat before she got in the car and slammed the door shut, wincing at the sound that echoed murderously inside her head. Taking a long swig from the bottle of water she had bought on the way over to the crime scene, Olivia put her minor squabble with Elliot out of her mind and drove to the precinct.

Both partners got there at the same time. Olivia helped lead the perp into the interrogation room but before she and Elliot had even shut the door to begin Ledger had cried out that he wanted a lawyer. If that wasn't bad enough news, the fact that his lawyer was Trevor Langan made Olivia's stomach wrench as bad as it had done earlier. Struggling to hold down her stomach contents for what felt like the hundredth time that morning, Olivia wordlessly left the interrogation room and headed towards her desk.

"Well well, look who decided to show up, hang over and all," said Munch with a smug condescending grin plastered on his pale face. "As much as you drank last night, Benson, you're a real trooper."

"Can we all just be a little quiet today?" she muttered as she began to hunt through her desk for Trevor's card that was left over from other cases.

"I'm sorry I couldn't hear you," Munch called out much louder than necessary. "What was that?"

"Knock it off, Man!" Fin snapped sounding just as much in pain as Olivia was in. "Come on, Dude, grow the hell up!"

"It's not my fault the younger irresponsible generation got so intoxicated they're hung over," Munch said with a casual shrug. "Now if you had just stuck to three beers like me and gone home-."

Olivia's head snapped up and she turned towards Munch with wide blood shot eyes. "Wait wait wait… You remember what happened last night? All of it?"

Munch nodded and Olivia struggled to find any hint of teasing or smugness she knew the older Detective would have plastered on his face if he knew she had gone home with Langan. "What did I do last night?"

"I don't know. You got bored after an hour, so you and Alex hailed a cab and went to Divines. That was about ten a clock. You were already a little plowed when you left," he added with a smirk.

She sighed and offered him a meaningless 'thanks' before she went back to searching for Langan's card. So she hadn't even been with her fellow Detectives when she had hooked up with Langan meaning she still had no idea what had actually happened between them.

Her last resort was Alex but seeing as how the blonde could become black out drunk in a matter of five beers, she didn't have much hope of finding any information. When Olivia finally found what she had been looking for she quickly dialed the cell number and waited for him to answer.

It took several attempts when his groggy over tired voice answered with a muttered "Trevor Langan attorney at law."

"You have a case," Olivia barked at the man on the other end of the line. She had just as big a hangover as him yet she was here working and enduring the headache and nausea. Just because he was a partner in his own firm didn't mean he got to be exempt.

"Olivia?" he mumbled into the phone with an absolute air of confusion. "Didn't you just leave here?"

"Yeah I left because I got a case and now you have to leave because you have a client."

"What's his name?" he demanded. "If it's no one important, I'm not-!"

"Rick Ledger."

"Ah shit," he sighed and Olivia heard the distinct sound of flesh meeting pillow. "Tell him I'll be right there," he added with a supreme taste of bitterness in his words.

The fact that Langan had agreed to take the case just by hearing the man's name worried Olivia but she kept her frets to herself. Without another spoken worried between the two Olivia hung up, turned towards her mind numbing paperwork, and fought to keep any mere minute miniscule thought away from her.

She failed miserably.

Nearly an hour later Olivia spotted Trevor getting off the elevator. He headed over towards her and leaned down next to her desk. "I need to talk to you," he whispered softly so only she could hear him. Something about his voice however sent a shiver down her back. It wasn't his normal confident smug swagger he usually talked with. It held a severe amount of shame and guilt that made even the hardened Detective feel sorry for him.

"About what?" she asked, refusing to look at him for fear of her face bursting with flush.

"You really want me to announce it to your whole precinct?"

The simple threat was enough to make her heart race and her breath still. Olivia slowly nodded before she got up from her chair, leading him towards the empty file room and shutting the door behind them.

"Being a little secretive aren't we?" asked Trevor as Olivia locked the door.

"I don't want anyone to see us talking."

"And those who just saw us go into an empty file room and close the door is going to think what?"

Olivia groaned in sheer annoyance and stupidity. She hadn't thought of that…

"Look what do you want?" she demanded when her irritation of herself morphed into irritation at just his mere presence. "I told you I don't want anything to do with you."

"And I," he told her as he reached in his tan trench coat pocket and pulled out a golden link bracelet and handed it to her, "don't want anything to do with this. Figured since it said 'to Olivia love Leo' it was probably yours."

Olivia grudgingly took it and hooked the tiny bracelet around her wrist again. "Thanks," she muttered.

"You have a boyfriend." It was more of a statement then a question. Olivia swallowed hard and nodded, running her hand over tiny swirled pattern engraved on the bracelet. Trevor swallowed hard at her admission, his voice flooding with shameful guilt. "I didn't… I didn't know, Benson. I swear if I had I never-."

"Look don't worry about it," she interrupted with an air of confusion. Why the hell was he so concerned over the fact she had a boyfriend? Olivia would have bet money he slept with or at the least hit on fifteen girls a week and gave no care rather they were gay or straight much less single or taken.

"But you have _a boyfriend_," he told her emphasizing the wretched word.

"Yeah, Langan, I have a boyfriend. Not a husband, not a fiancé, not a serious lifetime partner; a boyfriend. We've only been out six times and it's nothing serious. I was thinking about ending it with him anyway."

"But I slept with you and you're in a relationship! I never would have even had drinks with you if I had known that!"

Olivia stared in surprise at the man standing before her. She could see how it would upset him if Leo and she were in a serious committed relationship but as much as Leo liked to think they were they weren't. She was gonna end it with him tonight rather she had slept with Trevor or not. She was actually sort of glad that she now had an excuse for getting rid of him.

"Look, Trevor." Her voice was soft and gentle, unlike anything she had ever used when speaking to him. "I don't know why this upsets you as much as it does but I'm telling you not to worry about it. It's fine. You didn't know and I probably was too drunk to tell you. I mean it's not like you had some sordid love affair with a happily married wife and mother."

Although he still appeared less than happy about sleeping with a woman in a relationship Trevor nodded in agreement at her words. "Fine and I'm sorry but-… ha- have you told him yet?"

"No because there's nothing _to_ tell," she groaned, all of her previous patience she held with him disappearing out the window. "We got drunk, we got stupid, and we had sex. It happens. It didn't mean anything to anyone so for the last time can we just stop talking about this and move on with our lives?"

Trevor's face fell for a long moment before he nodded. "Fine. See you in court, Detective."

"See you in court."

Without another word from the two towards each other they left the file room, each ignoring the stares and whispers that accompanied their departure.

"What room is my client in?" Trevor asked, struggling with his usual smug cocky attitude.

"Interrogation room three," she answered as she headed back towards her desk.

"So what'd you and pretty boy have to talk about?" Fin asked as Olivia sat back down at her desk.

Olivia shrugged as she opened the file she had just been looking at before Trevor had interrupted her. "The Bedford file. Why did I miss anything?"

"No no, just… Never mind, Girl," he finished with a shake of his head and a smug grin plastered on his lips.

Olivia gave Fin a harsh glare before she turned back towards her paperwork. She ran a hand through her troubled hair as she struggled to concentrate on the tiny black print in front of her but far too often for her own good her mind would drift aimlessly back to Trevor and any and all administrative duties were put on a screeching halt.

At one point she looked down and shuddered in disgust as she saw the name 'Trevor' written in sloppy black ink written in every box on the page. She hadn't even realized she had been doing it. Date of Incident: Trevor; Home of Record: Trevor; Crime Accused Of: Trevor…

Olivia quickly crumpled up the useless paper and stuffed it as far as she could to the bottom of the wastebasket sitting beside her desk. She glanced around the room, hoping that no one would have seen her mistake. Thankfully no one had so she went quickly back to work and forced her mind to concentrate on her work.

When Elliot along with Trevor and Ledger, sporting handcuffs, walked out of the room Olivia looked between the three men curiously. "What's going on?" she asked mainly her partner.

"He confessed about three seconds after he saw Langan," Elliot told her with an air of pride as he handed Ledger off to one of the uniformed cops. "5-7 years so he'll get about three and a half if he behaves."

"Nice," she said with a smirk as she turned towards Langan and as much as she resisted she gave him an apologetic grin. He had woken up from a sound sleep after a hangover to drive all the way down here just to have his client confess the moment he walked in the room.

Trevor gave her a weary smile before he, Ledger, and the uniformed cop walked out of the precinct.

"So now that we got that cleared up," Elliot sighed as he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head. "You gonna tell me who that guy on the phone was this morning?"

"I told you, for the five hundredth time, it was my cable guy. Why do you keep insisting otherwise?"

"I'm actually pretty good at this Detective thing. I know when someone's lying."

"Well I'm not," she snapped crossly. "Can we please just drop it?"

"Fine fine… for now. You seeing Leo tonight?"

Olivia shook her head. "I don't think so. I'd feel kind of bad to invite him over for dinner just to break his heart."

"So you're finally breaking it off with the guy?" Elliot said with an approving nod. "Good for you."

"Yeah. I kind of feel bad for waiting so long but there's just… something doesn't right with him you know?"

Elliot nodded as he turned back toward towards his paperwork. "Yeah I gotcha. Sorry it didn't work out and if you need another few drinks tonight I'm here for ya."

"Trust me I don't think I'm gonna be drinking for a long long long time but thanks for the offer."

Elliot chuckled and nodded. "Definitely feel ya there. I think my liver got abused enough last night for a year."

Olivia chuckled for the first time today and gave him a soft grin before she turned back towards her paperwork.

Hours of mind numbing paperwork later Olivia threw down her pen, sighing in content. Her hangover had all but disappeared after several cups of coffee and bottles of water and mind had only drifted to Trevor several more times but for the majority of the day she managed to keep the lawyer away from the forefront of her thoughts. The day was almost over and she couldn't wait to go home and get a long night of uninterrupted sleep. Just as she was about to ask the rest of the crew if they were ready to disappear for the night, Leo's ring tone erupted from her pocket, earning a loud groan from the Detective.

"You owe it to him," Elliot told her without looking up from his administrative duties. Olivia gave him a sharp glare but none the less grabbed her IPhone from her pocket, answering it with a simple hello.

"Hey, Liv," Leo told her. "How you doing?"

She cleared her throat as she got up from her desk and headed into the cribs where she could give a tiny bit of privacy.

"Good, Leo," she lied, "You?"

"Amazing knowing I'm gonna see you later tonight," he told her with a smug laugh. "We still on for dinner tonight?"

Olivia rubbed the back of her neck and cleared her throat. "I um… I actually have to talk to you about that."

"You don't have to work again do you?" Leo groaned. "Come on, Liv, I'm sure you're victims can survive a night without you."

"No I don't have to work but-."

"Alright then I'll see you tonight at eight."

"No, Leo, just listen for a second," she protested. "I just… I…" Olivia sighed before she sat on one of the beds and put her face in her hands. "I… Leo, I wanna break up with you."

Leo laughed at her words as if he said something hilarious. "Yeah okay, Liv. So what are you in the mood for tonight?"

"No, Leo, I'm serious. I just… it doesn't feel right and I'm sorry for stringing you along."

"You're… you're serious?"

"Look you're a great guy and I tried to make it work but it just doesn't feel like it should. I'm sorry."

"I thought… Olivia, I thought you loved me!"

"Leo, we went on five dates."

"Your point?" he barked making her jump away from her phone. "I love you, Olivia! I've never felt this way about anyone else!"

"You will again," she told him.

"No I won't, I know I won't!"

Olivia groaned as she ran her hand through her hair feeling the headache from earlier coming back full speed. "Yes you will. I'm sorry I hurt you but it's over."

"Olivia, no!"

"I'm sorry but we're through. Good bye."

"Olivia!"

Without another word Olivia hung up the phone. Nervousness settled uneasily over her as she headed back towards her desk only to be interrupted by her phone ringing again. Olivia stopped suddenly and swallowed hard as she pressed 'ignore' and walked back to her desk.

"It is seven a clock and we are officially done for the day," Elliot said with a beaming grin as he threw down his pen. He looked up at Olivia and his face fell when he saw the unease in her features. "What happened?" he demanded.

"Nothing," she muttered as she grabbed her coat from the back of her chair. "Just… He took it a lot harder than I thought he was gonna."

"Think he's gonna do something stupid?"

"No. He's just gonna take a few calls to shake loose is all."

"Well if he starts getting a little too hard to shake just tell me," Elliot told her dangerously.

"You'll be the first to know," Olivia told him with a thankful smile. With a goodbye directed towards Munch and Fin the youngest of the group made her way out of the precinct and into the night.

...

"So you don't remember what we did either?" Olivia sighed as she sat on her couch eating a slice of pizza with a glass of diet coke besides her.

"No," Alex admitted. "I mean I can go back to the bar and ask but-."

"No don't," Olivia protested. "It's not that serious."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Liv." A tiny beep signified that the blonde lawyer had hung up. Olivia put the phone down beside the cardboard box containing her meal. Just as Olivia had begun to flip through the channels on her TV there was a frantic anxious knocking at her door. Before Olivia had a chance to get up from the couch to see who it was the door burst open.

Olivia jumped from her spot on the couch, staring wide eyed at the man who had just come unlawfully into her apartment.

"Leo, what the hell are you doing here?" she demanded, desperate to keep the fear from her voice.

Leo ignored her as he slammed the door shut again, locking it as he did so. He stormed over to her and Olivia took a step away from him but he grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her tight against his powerfully built body. The smell of the alcohol wafting from him was almost unbearable.

"Tell me you love me, he growled, his dark green eyes narrowed dangerously. "Tell me it was all a lie! What you said this morning, it was a lie!"

"Let go of me!" Olivia cried as she fought against his iron clad hold.

"I love you!" he as he shook her, his grip cutting into her so tight she let out a cry of pain. "How can you throw me away like this?"

"Leo, stop!"

"Tell me you love me!"

"Let me go now!"

"Tell me!" he roared as he threw her down on the couch.

Ignoring his demand Olivia scampered to get up from the couch but nearly twenty years of SWAT experience taught him well. He grabbed her by the hair and flung her to the couch again before he climbed on top of her, her stomach flat against the couch and her face pressed so deep into the cushion she could barely breathe.

"If you're not gonna tell me," he snarled low in her ear, ignoring her crying pleas and screams. "You're gonna show me…"

He reached in between the two, grabbing her pants zipper and ripping it down. He had just gotten the button on her jeans undone when there was another crash.

"Get the fuck off her now!" her hero's voice roared.

Closing her eyes tight against the tears that threatened to escape, she waited with a still breath as Leo turned around and his eyes landed on the man who had interrupted the two.

"Get off her now or I swear to God you're dead!" Trevor shouted as he reached in his belt and pulled out a tiny black pistol.

Leo swallowed hard and nodded before he slowly climbed off of her, his hands raised in the air. "Don't shoot," he muttered as he climbed off of her. Olivia twisted herself around and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them while tears made their way down her face.

"Go!" Trevor snarled as Leo slowly walked past him. "And if I ever hear of you going near her again, you're dead!"

Leo nodded once before he turned back to Olivia who refused to look at him. "I'll always love you, Olivia. NOTHING will ever stop me."

"GO!"

Without another word Leo raced from the apartment. Trevor shut the door, locking it with the chain lock. "You alright?" he asked as he walked over to her, his voice the exact opposite of what he had been using when he was shouting at Leo.

"I'm fine," she muttered with a trembling breath. "I knew he'd be hard to get rid of but I didn't… I didn't think he'd attack me."

He sat down on the couch besides her, eying her wearily as he did. "You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah," she muttered before she turned her sights to her carpet. "So how did you know where I lived?"

"Phone book," he answered with a shrug.

Olivia nodded in acceptance of his answer and cleared her throat, trying hard to ignore the rising blush. "So… I mean what are you doing here? I mean not that I'm not grateful but..."

Trevor reached inside his jacket, pulling out a crumpled dark blue top. Olivia's top. "Found it behind the headboard," he explained.

"Thank you," Olivia told him as she took the shirt from his grasp. After a long awkward moment Olivia cleared her throat and stood up from the couch. "So thanks for the shirt but I'm actually really tried right now and I'll see you in court."

Olivia made her way over to the couch, wincing as his words hit her like a concrete slab. "That's it?"

Olivia hung her head for a long moment before she turned back around to face him. "You brought my shirt back, you brought my bracelet back, you saved me from being attacked, I thanked you for all three, there's no reason for you to stay any longer."

"Are you this nice to all your guests or am I just one of the lucky few?" he asked with a strong air of sarcasm. Olivia moaned as she ran both hands through her chestnut hair, sighing in pure exasperation.

"Can you please just leave?"

"Why?"

"Because I want you to!"

Trevor stood up from the couch and made his way over towards her. Olivia swallowed hard as he stood just a few inches from her. She had to fight not to get lost in the beautiful gray green of his eyes.

"Look, the shirt wasn't the only reason why I came over here. I came over to-."

"Trevor, please just leave me alone!"

"Ask you out for dinner."

Olivia wasn't sure exactly what to expect when he began his conversation but it sure as hell wasn't that. Her mouth parted in utter astonishment and her eyes widened to what was sure to be an unhealthy level. "You… you what?"

"I want to ask you out for dinner tomorrow," he repeated slowly. "There's this great little Italian place around the corner from my apartment and I'd like to take you there and buy you dinner."

She still couldn't firmly wrap her mind around what he was asking her. "You, Trevor Langan, wanna ask me, Olivia Benson, out to dinner on an actual date?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why?" he repeated with a soft laugh. "Do you ask every guy who wants to ask you out for dinner why?" He shrugged before he answered. "Because it would be fun. You're nice, you're fun, you're hot, you're intelligent, you're beautiful, and I wanna get to know you better… I mean what other reasons do I really need?"

Olivia sighed as she hung her head low for a long moment before she looked back up at him. "Trevor, we got drunk," she began softly. "If we were sober you wouldn't be here right now and the thought of asking me out to dinner would have ever crossed your mind. I don't wanna date you. I don't wanna have drinks with you. I don't want whatever animosity we had towards one another to disappear. I just want you to leave me alone and forget this whole thing ever happened."

Trevor's face fell and Olivia bit her lip and turned away, unable to look at the heavy disappointment in his eyes. Without another word he left her apartment, gently shutting the door behind her. Once he had gone Olivia went to her door, locked it, then flopped down on the couch; hating the world and everyone in it.

"Of course I had to sleep with the one lawyer in the world who has morals," she thought bitterly to herself as she reached up and pulled the blanket over the back of the couch on top of her. With her mind racing with thoughts of Trevor Langan, she drifted off into a un easy sleep where even her dreams were plagued by him…

**Elliot: The guy saved you and you still rejected him? What kind of an asshole move is that? **

**Olivia: He's a Defense Attorney and I already told him I didn't want anything to do with him in the precinct.**

**Elliot: So? The man saved your life, Olivia… I would have at least given him the chance to buy me a drink!**

**Olivia: I… Um… Well it… Just leave me alone, Elliot! To everyone else, please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Olivia: Elliot, don't you have something to say? **

**Elliot: Nope. I'm still mad at you for rejecting him.**

**Olivia: Fine! Then don't say the disclaimer! *mimicking Elliot's voice* Hey everyone, Dick Wolf and NBC owns gorgeous Olivia and this big jack ass sitting next to her and the rest of SVU and not the author!**

**Elliot: I may be a jackass, but at least I don't reject people who save me!**

**Olivia: And this may be her last update for a while so PLEASE enjoy and review… while Elliot is still being an asshole!**

**Two Months Later**

Olivia, for what felt like the tenth time this week, was throwing up in her toilet again. She groaned as she leaned against the cool porcelain as she reached up and flushed the remnants down the pipes.

She slowly made her way up off the floor before she shuffled towards the living room, flopping down on the couch. She laid her head against the arm and groaned as her hand came around and gently rubbed her stomach, trying in vain to rid herself of the nausea that seemed more prominent as the days got on.

It would stop around noon but then it would start right back up when she woke up in the morning. She was getting sick and tired of being sick and tired.

She had just begun to shut her eyes, hoping that sleep would cure her of her sickness, when there was a loud knocking at her door.

"Nooo!" she groaned as she forced herself to get off the couch and shuffled towards the door. She opened the door to find Alex, dressed in a pair of nice jeans and black flowing top, staring at her in confusion.

"Um," Alex began as she stared at a pajama clad Olivia whose face was flushed with red, "did you forget we had a girls day out?"

"Yes," the brunette moaned as she moved out of the way so Alex could come in. She closed the door behind her and made her way over to the kitchen. "I'm sorry, Alex. I've just been so sick lately."

Alex wrinkled her nose as Olivia opened up her fridge and pulled out her left over dinner from last night. "Maybe it's all the seafood you've been eating lately. It smells like a fish market in here, Liv."

"Shut up," Olivia mumbled as she unwrapped the salmon she ate last night. "Seafood sounds good lately."

"Yeah but you hate fish," Alex reminded her as Olivia put the plate in the microwave.

"I know but it's just sound so good lately."

"Maybe it's food poisoning that's getting you sick?" she offered as a tiny beep signified that it was time to take the food out of the cooker.

Olivia shook her head as she took the plate out of the cooker before she set it on the table. "No because I'm only sick in the morning. If it was food poisoning I'd be sick all day."

Olivia took a forkful of the pink fish and shoveled it into her mouth. She closed her eyes and moaned in near lust. "This is so good," she sighed in delight and she took another bite.

"So you're sick," Alex mused as she took a seat down apart from her, "but you're still hungry for fish?"

Olivia shrugged as she popped another forkful into her mouth. "I don't know, Alex. Why is it bugging you so much?" Olivia asked with a sliver of annoyance. "I'm not the first person to be sick and hungry. My roommate in college ate sushi nearly every day for a month when she was sick. Of course she was pregnant but that's not the-."

The fork clattered to the floor. Olivia's mouth fell open and her eyes widened to what she was sure were a dangerous level.

Alex narrowed her blue eyes in confusion. "Olivia, what's wrong?"

The Detective struggled to remember how to breathe much less speak. After a long moment she shook her head as tears welled in her eyes. "No," she whimpered as she got up from the table and ran towards the bathroom. "No no no no NO!"

"Olivia!" Alex cried out as she followed her friend into the bathroom where Olivia fell to her knees in front of the toilet and wrenched her head in the bowl.

Alex held her hair back away from her face as Olivia vomited into the toiler. The blonde remained stunned as a desperate sob flew past Olivia's lips. "No! I can't! I can't!"

"Can't what?"

"Be pregnant!"

Alex's face mirrored Olivia's as the Detective leaned her head against bowl, her sobs racking her body. "Is it… is it Leo's?"

Olivia shook her head as tears fell heavily down her flushed face. "The condom never broke!"

"Okay," Alex muttered a she ran a trembling hand through her hair. "So whose is it?"

The only answer was another headshake and a sob.

"Do you… do you know who it is?" the blonde asked, cringing at her own words. Olivia nodded before covered her mouth with her hand to hide the frantic sob. "So who is it?"

Olivia shook her head one last time. Alex's face fell and her eyes narrowed in anger so intense it almost frightened Olivia. "Olivia." Her voice was nothing less than a tremble full to the brink with fury. "Were you raped?"

"I- I don't know!" Olivia cried desperately.

"You don't know?" Alex spat. "What the hell do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't remember what happened!" shouted Olivia. "I woke up in his bed and I don't remember what happened other then that I hurt more than I've ever hurt after sex in my life!"

Alex swallowed her disbelief, taking a deep breath that did nothing for her nerves that were mild times a million in regards to Olivia. "You woke- you woke up with who?"

Olivia closed her eyes and spoke her next words so silently she wasn't even sure Alex had even heard her. "Olivia," Alex repeated slowly as if she was speaking to a young child she was trying to get to confess. "Who did you wake up with?"

The detective bowed her head in shame, forcing the words from her mouth. "You have to swear," she spoke, her voice shaking like a leaf. "You will never tell anyone."

Alex swallowed hard before she nodded. "I promise."

After another long tense moment, Olivia finally spoke, praying her friend would accept her mistake. "Trevor… Trevor Langan. We both woke up hung over in his bed, neither of us remembered a thing, and it hurt SO bad!"

Alex thought for sure she was going to have a heart attack right there in Olivia's kitchen. She felt her knees buckle and her head swirl. She grasped the table in front of her to steady herself before she looked up at Olivia, wanting to cringe at the sheer guilt and shame emitting from the Detective.

Alex swallowed hard before she nodded, wringing her hands together. "Okay… okay, that's not… not bad."

"Alex!" Olivia cried angrily, "I slept with a lawyer and got pregnant with his child! A piece of that smug ass wipe is inside of me!"

"We don't know that," Alex explained gently. "Have you taken a test yet?"

"No but-!"

"Okay," she interrupted. "I will go to the test from the pharmacy, than if it's positive, I go kill Trevor, and you make it look like an accident."

Alex felt her heart break as she saw the tears well in the eyes of her friend. She reached over and clapped her on the shoulder. "It'll be okay," Alex assured her with a faint whisper. "I promise."

"What if it's not?" Olivia whimpered. "What if he raped me and got me pregnant?"

Alex held up her hands in defense. "I know he defends them, but I've worked with Trevor a lot more then you have, Olivia. Hell I actually dated him for two months." Olivia cringed at the reminder one of her best friends used to date the man she had a one night stand with but Alex looked as if she could have cared less about that. "He may be a sleaze in the courtroom, but he's one a total gentlemen outside of it. Okay he's funny, he's sweet, he's old fashioned, he's extremely intellectual and amazingly good looking who can easily get any woman he wanted in a heartbeat dead sober. He wouldn't resort to scoring by getting someone drunk."

Olivia eyed her wearily as she expected the blonde to be basking in the memory of her old lover. She found not a single scrap. "If he was all that then why did you leave him?"

Alex shrugged carelessly. "He realized dating someone exactly like him; rich lawyer, Ivy League education, agrees about nearly everything regarding law and politics and pretty much like everything else, wasn't much fun. He wanted someone who was his opposite."

"And you weren't upset he broke up with you?" Olivia asked as she sniffed and wiped her eyes.

A shrug was another answer. "He had a point and I agreed with him. It was no fun being with someone who's exactly like you."

Olivia nodded in agreement before she wiped the wetness from her eyes. "Even if he was just as drunk as I was I still might be preg-… pregnant by him. I can't deal with that, Alex!

"Honey, calm down," Alex soothed. "I'll run to the store and get some tests alright? Everything's gonna be fine."

Olivia offered no arguments against words she knew to be untrue. Alex took that as acceptance, offered her a quick smile, and left the apartment.

Once she was alone Olivia sank down to the floor, pulled her knees to her chest, bowed her head, and cried as hard as she ever had before…

**Elliot: Holy… God damn… Shit**

**Olivia: Shut up! Just shut up!**

**Elliot: You might be pregnant! With Trevor's baby! And you want me to shut up?**

**Olivia: Yes! *Takes deep breath* Anyway, please review, and this may be the last update in a long while so I hope you enjoyed and PLEASE review since this'll be the last time for a long time the author has a long steady review streak and it'll make her feel better on the plane ride. She loves you all, and she can't wait until she can write for you again and I promise you that she's almost in tears right now over not having the chance to write for you guys for a long while. **

**Elliot: Like as she's typing she's crying. Remember what she asked in her deployment announcement, remember she loves you all, and remember her. Good bye.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Olivia: Hey everybody!**

**Elliot: We're back!**

**Olivia: We promised we would be!**

**Elliot: So our writer has returned from the land of the giant kitty litter box as well as her entire unit and she is BEYOND happy and joyful to be home.**

**Olivia: and she promises to start doing regular updates again, starting with this one,**

**Elliot: So anyway; I hope you enjoy the update and thanks for all the support you guys gave her while she was deployed. And, without furthor ado, I hope you enjoy. And review. But mostly enjoy.**

Olivia paced nervously back and forth in her bedroom as Alex held guard over the watch that was counting down the minutes they had to go until the at home pregnancy test told them exactly what they needed to know.

"Two minutes left," announced Alex, glancing up at Olivia who looked far more nervous than Alex had ever seen her.

Olivia groaned as she flopped down on the bed. "I don't know what I'm gonna do, Alex. What if he did get me pregnant?"'

"Then we'll deal with that when the time comes. Plus if he did, and I'm not saying he did, there's always abortion."

Olivia shook her head. "I couldn't do that."

"I thought you were pro choice?"

"And my choice is to not do that. I wasn't raped, it wasn't incest, plus we have to wait a few months to find out if there's any diseases or if it'll put me at harm or anything… I don't feel its right for me and my situation. That's not saying it's not right for other people in the same situation but for me personally it's not."

Alex held out her hands in defense. "Okay, okay. Well if not abortion there's always adoption."

Olivia bit her lip as she glanced down at the floor. Alex raised her brow when a significant amount of silence had passed. "Don't tell me you actually want this baby?"

"I don't know, Alex!" Olivia snapped. "Can I at least wait to know if I'm actually pregnant or not before I start making decisions?"

Alex stayed silent as Olivia groaned and put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry," she said, a complete 180 from moments before. "I shouldn't have snapped. It's just I'm under a lot of stress and it's not right not take it out on you."

Alex reached over and gently rubbed Olivia's back and offered her a soft smile. "Its okay, Liv. I get it. Why don't we just wait for the results and then we'll go from there alright?"

Just as Olivia was about to agree, a tiny 'beep beep' erupted from the watch on Alex's wrist signifying that the test had finished. The two girls looked at one another briefly before Olivia clutched Alex's arm like a lifeline. "Wi- will you look at it?" Olivia begged.

Alex nodded and stood up and slowly made her way into the bathroom that was attached off of her bedroom.

"Well?" cried Olivia once she saw Alex pick up the first white stick.

There was a long pause before Alex turned back towards Olivia, her face unreadable. "Liv, I'm… I'm sorry but it's positive."

Olivia's heart pounded against her chest. Her breathing came in short gasping breaths. She vaguely remembered Alex rushing over towards her, telling he that everything was gonna be okay and she saw a flash of blonde hair before the world went dark.

…

"So you don't remember anything?"

"My mind is just as blank as hers. What purpose would I have for lying?"

"To get out of a rape charge."

Olivia's head swarm with the muttered voices of those around her and she winced far too softly for either voice that she couldn't recognize, to hear.

"Is she saying she's gonna press charges?" the man's voice barked. "I was just as drunk as her! I'm telling you, Alex, I don't remember what happened!"

"No one is pressing charges but she's scared, Langan!" Alex shouted. "She doesn't know if she was raped or not!"

"I would NEVER hurt a woman like that!" the man, who Olivia now recognized as Trevor Langan, cried, "Okay you know me, Alex!"

"Will you guys stop shouting?" Olivia grumbled as she sat up to discover she was on her couch and glanced over at Alex and Trevor who was sitting at her kitchen island. When her eyes landed on Trevor she narrowed them dangerously.

"Langan, what are you doing here?" asked Olivia as her eyes traveled from one to the other.

Alex's face burned with blush while Trevor nodded over towards the blonde. "Alex called me," he explained. "She said she had something to talk to me about."

Olivia glared at Alex who cleared her throat. "I… I thought he should know."

"And you didn't think talking to me first would have been the better idea?"

"No because I knew you would say no."

"You're right." Olivia got off the couch holding out a hand to steady herself and turned towards a highly confused Trevor. "Langan, you can go. She's just being idiotic."

"Okay, well I cancelled a meeting with a very important and high paying client just to come over to talk to you so 'she's just being idiotic' isn't gonna exactly cut it," Trevor told her as he crossed her arms in front of his chest.

Olivia rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to presumingly tell him to leave when a bout of sickness seized her stomach. Sprinting full force into the bathroom with her hand over her mouth, she flung open the door and collapsed in front of the toilet and hurled her head into the porcelain bowl.

She heard Trevor and Alex behind her and she shook her head. "I'm fine," Olivia gasped out. "I just got the stomach bug, I promise I'm okay."

Olivia stood back up and wiped her mouth as she turned towards the two. "Langan, seriously, I'm sorry for whatever you had to cancel but seriously, go. It's fine."

But Trevor made no move to answer her because when he walked in, a particular white stick that was on the bathroom sink caught his eye and he was now staring at it open mouthed and wide eyed.

With a nod towards Olivia, Alex slowly let herself out of the bathroom to give the two of them privacy.

Olivia's heart began to pound in her chest as she wrung her hands together nervously. She swallowed hard as she took a shaking step towards him. "Trevor, please-."

Trevor turned towards her, his gray green eyes wide with fright. "Please." His voice, which was usually cocky and arrogantly superior, surprised both women when it was trembling with fear, nervousness, and shock all rolled into one. "Please for the love of all things Holy… Tell me this is Alex's test."

Olivia swallowed hard as she shook her head. "It's... it's mine."

Trevor closed his eyes and had to grip the sink to steady himself as his knees began to buckle from under him. "And… And I'm- I'm assuming that Leo isn't… isn't the fath… the fath… What have you?"

Olivia felt tears welling in her eyes as she shook her head. "No."

Trevor let go of the sink and he fell to the ground, his breathing coming in short gasping breaths. "I… I don't… I... don't… I... I gotta go."

"Trevor, wait!" Olivia pleaded as Trevor got up from the floor and raced out of the bathroom.

Trevor stopped in the living room as he whipped around to face Olivia. "I... I'm sor- I'm sorry, Olivia, I jus- I just need some time- some time to think, okay?"

As much as she hated it tears began to roll down her face. She tried to wipe them away but it was far too late and Trevor had seen them.

His face fell as he walked slowly up to her. As he gazed down at her he saw that she was just as scared as him. "Ev… everything's gonna be okay," he told her, unsure if he was reassuring himself or Olivia. "I just… this is a huge thing to spring on somebody, ya know?"

Olivia nodded and wiped more of her tears away. Trevor took a deep breath and turned towards Alex who looked back and forth between the two of them. "Can we get some privacy here?"

Alex turned towards Olivia who silently nodded. Alex nodded as well and got up from the couch before making her way over to Olivia who she hugged tight before she let herself out of the apartment, shutting the door behind her.

Trevor took a few deep breaths before he forced a smile that looked more like a grimace than anything else. "Why don't… why don't we sit down and talk about this alright?"

Olivia nodded and allowed Trevor to lead her to the couch where the two sat in silence for several minutes before Trevor finally spoke. "So what about abortion? It's your choice, Olivia."

Olivia shook her head. "I don't want that."

Trevor nodded and the two was launched into another awkward silence. "Adoption? I mean I'm a partner in my own firm. I can draw up whatever deal you want with no loopholes."

Olivia remained silent for a few seconds before she shrugged. "I don't know."

Trevor bit his lip, struggling not to pressure her. "Okay. We have a few weeks before we'd have to start the proceedings anyway so we got some time." He glanced over at her, swallowing hard. "Or… or are you thinking about keeping it?"

Another shrug was her answer as she laid a hand on her stomach. "I don't know what I want right now, Trevor. I just found out about it today too. I just… I need some time to think about this and process it."

"I know, I know. But we gotta do what's best for the baby and seven months really isn't that long of a time to make a decision."

"I know that, but I just… I need time to… to just think about what's best for him, okay? Rather that's adoption or raising it. But I don't think I can handle giving my baby off to some strangers but I don't want my child to grow up in a single parent home like I did."

Trevor narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Who said he was gonna grow up in a single parent home?"

Olivia waved her hand as if the phrasing was unimportant. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Olivia, I don't want your misguided idea that I won't be around to help raise him if you decide to keep him hindering your judgment. If you do keep him I WILL be a part of my child's life."

Olivia turned towards him and saw the familiar spark in his eye that lit up every time he was defending someone he honest to God thought was innocent. He wasn't going down without a fight.

"Look can we just give it a rest for now?" Olivia pleaded. "I'm sick, tired, and I just want to sleep. Is that alright with you?"

Trevor sighed but nodded. "Sure. But I'm gonna make you an appointment for the OBGYN to make sure everything's alright for tomorrow."

Olivia rolled her eyes as she rested her head on the couch, her eyes feeling droopy again. "I can make my own appointments, Trevor."

Trevor threw his hands into the air in mock surrender as he got up from the couch so Olivia could stretch her feet out. "Fine. Heaven forbid someone does something for you."

"I don't like being coddled."

"Hate to break it to you but you're pregnant and you're carrying the baby to term, rather you keep him or not. You're getting coddled…"

Olivia rolled her eyes as she snatched the blanket off the back of the couch and covered herself with it before Trevor could cover her up.

Trevor sighed and shook his head as he headed for the door but not before turning back and casting a look towards Olivia.

"You're not watching me while I'm sleeping are you because that'd be really creepy," muttered Olivia, her eyes still closed.

"Of course not," said Trevor with a smirk. "I was just thinking of something."

"What?"

"We both called the baby 'he'."

Leaving her with that thought and a smile on her face that Olivia thought he missed, Trevor let himself out of the apartment.

**Elliot: Well that didn't go as bad as I thought.**

**Olivia: Are you serious? I'm pregnant! With Trevor Langan's baby!**

**Elliot: Yeah but it makes for great drama. Now all you gotta decide is if you're keeping it or not and if you are, will you let Trevor help raise it?**

**Olivia: Only one way to find out. If you, please, review, the author will update.**

**Elliot: I mean she'll update anyway but reviews are always a nice welcome home gift.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Elliot: So you feeling any better?"**

**Olivia: I'm pregnant. With Langan's child. How the hell would I be in any way, shape, or form better?**

**Elliot: Hey don't yell at me! I'm just the disclaimer saying that the author thanks all her reviewers, followers, and favoriters that she doesn't own SVU, and that she apologizes for this being such a short chapter!**

**Olivia: Well come on, its common sense I wouldn't feel better, Elliot, jeez!**

**Elliot: Damn pregnancy hormones…**

Olivia spent the whole rest of the day alternating between being sick, crying, and spending long amounts of time in silence as she contemplated her options.

She was pregnant. Something she had wanted for years she finally had. Granted it wasn't the most ideal situation but she was somebody's mother and would be the rest of her life no matter if she kept the baby or not…

Olivia rubbed a hand across her stomach and sighed as a million thoughts raced through her mind. She wanted a baby so bad but this was Trevor Langan's child. A low down sleazy defense attorney who defended the lowest of the low criminals… how could she ever raise a child made by _him_?

Maybe she should give the baby up for adoption. Give him to a loving husband and wife who are incapable of having children or maybe a nice gay or lesbian couple perhaps. Two people who could give her baby the love he deserved and who actually wanted a child.

Olivia ran a hand through her hair, wishing to God that she was able to have alcohol without endangering an innocent's life when her thoughts were interrupted by a brief knocking at her door.

"Noo!" Olivia groaned loudly as she slumped up from the couch and staggered over to her doorway. She looked through the peephole and groaned even louder. She didn't want any company and she especially didn't want to see him.

Olivia undid the chain lock and dead bolt and threw open the door. "What?" she grumbled as Trevor stood outside.

"Nice to see you too," he told her as he held up a several bags of groceries.

Olivia raised her brow as Trevor made his way past her. "Please, Trevor, do come in," she said dryly as she shut the door and turned towards him. "I can do my own shopping ya know."

Trevor shrugged as he put the groceries on the counter. "Figured you'd be a bit too down in the dumps to go shopping and since all you had was martini olives, a few packets of McDonald's ketchup, and half a head of questionable looking white slash brown lettuce I decided to go shopping for you."

When Olivia rolled his eyes at the response Trevor shrugged as he began pulling out various vegetables. "Look, you may not wanna eat right but I'm sure the baby won't appreciate it when you're throwing up all of his food."

Olivia held up his hand. "Could you please stop talking about it?"

Trevor looked at her for a moment before he turned back towards the food and continued to pull it out of the shopping bag. "Well you still need to eat right. Plus I got you Rocky Road ice crème."

Trevor pulled out the two individual pints of ice crème and beamed at Olivia who couldn't help but chuckle and shake her head as she walked over to the counter and sat down behind it. "Fine, fine. What'd you get me?"

Trevor motioned to the vegetables on the counter. "When she was pregnant my secretary couldn't stand the smell of meat, even when I brought a sub into the office she would get sicker than a dog. So she started making these vegan type meals to bring to lunch. So I got you some vegetables and tofu and nuts and fruits. Plus I noticed it smelled like the San Francisco fish wharf when I was her earlier so I got you a few different types of fish. And," he added with a smile as he pulled out a large bottle of what looked like champagne. "Sparkling grape juice."

Olivia looked down at the food Trevor had bought for her and she felt her heart begin to melt at the sight. "That's… That's actually really nice, Trevor. Thank you."

Trevor gave her a soft smile. "You're welcome, Liv."

The lawyer and cop smiled at each other for a long moment before Olivia cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair. "So, um... do you need help cooking?"

Trevor shook his head as he pulled out a package of Cod Fish. "Nah I'm got it. You can just relax. Baked Alaskan Trout with green beans sound good to you?"

"Sure," agreed Olivia as she sat down at the island watching as Trevor began to cook her meal. They were both content to stay in silence for several minutes before Olivia cleared her throat, glancing down at the counter. "So um… do… I mean do you remember anything about… that night because I can't remember a single part of it," said Olivia with a shake of her head. "It's so weird though. I never got black out drunk before and I KNOW I didn't drink enough to get blacked out. Hell 13 years ago I got drunk enough to sleep with my colleague and I remember every detail of that and that was probably the most drunk I've ever been. Here I drank a lot but not that much."

Trevor, who had been stirring the vegetables contently, paused for a moment before he continued. "I… actually know a lot of the details," he admitted without turning around.

Olivia's eyes widened well beyond what was normal as she stormed up towards him. "You remember what happened?" she barked, her anger growing steadily. "Why the hell did you tell me you didn't?"

"I don't remember. I just got some information from a third party," he clarified. "That bar that we met up in? You or me isn't allowed in anymore."

Olivia's anger melted into curiosity as she leaned against the counter. "Well what the hell happened then and who knows about us?"

"No one we know, it was the bartender. I went to the bar after I left and he told me I had to leave, I asked him why and he told me the story."

"Which is…?"

Trevor sighed as he turned back towards his cooking and turned off the heat from both the vegetables and the fish. "That night two months ago I was at a Stag Party for one of my Paralegals. We had already hit three bars and a strip club before we ended up at Divines. I was well past hammered when I walked in and I see you there at the bar… straddling some fat ugly old man who smelled like he took a bath in his cologne while he pawed your ass as you necked him."

Olivia felt her stomach lurch at the thought and she decided she would need at least three family sized tubes of tooth paste to get the sudden vile taste out of her mouth and a minimum of five showers to get the feel of this perv's touch off her.

"I guess I walked up to you, said hi, or the drunken equivalent to that, was too drunk to notice anything else and walked away. The bartender told me I was looking at you the whole night and then the skeeve orders you another drink and before he handed it to you I go sprinting over there, screaming about how I saw him slip something in your drink."

Her head swam with the information Langan had just given her. Some creep play boy had tried to rape her. Olivia rubbed the back of her neck and swallowed hard, fear and disbelief creeping up on her in a way that she never thought possible. "Apparently," Langan continued, "this guy bought you at least three drinks and after each one, which you drank slowly, it went from making out, to all but dry humping on the bar stool so that means he gave you two of whatever it was he tried to slip you when I caught him."

A horrible realization crashed down on Olivia as the weight of his statement rested heavily on her shoulders. "So… so that means…"

Trevor nodded, knowing all too well the implications of his words. "You were drugged when we slept together." Trevor took a deep breath as he gazed into her eyes. "That… that means I raped you, Olivia…"

**Elliot: Um… Well… Um…**

**Olivia: He… I mean… Trevor… he ra- raped me?**

**Elliot: Holy crap on a cracker. Wasn't expecting that one, I gotta tell ya…**

**Olivia: Yeah but am I angry, sad, hateful, forgiving… I mean what the hell am I right now?**

**Elliot: I guess the readers just gotta review, please, and read the next chapter to find out but… wow…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Elliot: Hey everyone!**

**Olivia: We're back! Again! Hooray!**

**Elliot: We really don't have an excuse this time apart from the author who owns no one but her own people was working on other stories but this chapter will more than make up for it hopefully.**

**Olivia: So without further ado, here is the next long awaited chapter. Enjoy. Oh and hank you to the author's epic Beta Holly AKA TheHesitantWriter on here AKA Hesitant_Writer on twitter who made it so you could actually enjoy this chapter.**

Olivia stood in total and absolute shock, Trevor's last few words taking her by storm.

"You… you ra-… you raped me?" she whispered, the words sounding foreign to her in every context. Trevor cringed as she spoke but nodded. "Yeah. I mean I had to have known you were drugged and I still went after you." He swallowed hard and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I don't… I don't know what else to say."

Olivia, who was still trying to wrap her mind around what he had told her, collapsed into one of her overstuffed arm chairs, her thoughts whirling a million miles an hour. She had been raped. Trevor Langan had, by every definition of the written law, raped her…

But Trevor had been black out drunk as well. Yes he may have noticed her being drugged and did something to stop the first man from taking advantage of her, for which she will forever be grateful, but if he was just as drunk as she was and Olivia had sex with him, did that mean she raped him?

Olivia put her head in her hands and groaned. Why on earth was this whole situation so complicated? She couldn't have a regular one night stand with some anonymous man. No, she had to get drunk and sleep with a man who had dedicated his whole life to freeing the men Olivia worked tirelessly to put in jail. And it couldn't be a normal one night stand. They were both drunk WELL beyond the scope of even considering good choices and she had been drugged not once but twice.

Plus, to add the icing onto the shit cake whose layers kept being added onto, she was pregnant and Trevor wanted to act like they were one big happy family while Olivia, on the other hand, wasn't even sure if she wanted to keep the baby…

She took several deep breaths and gazed back up at Trevor who stood guiltily in her kitchen. "Trevor." Olivia spoke slowly so that she could take the time to figure out what on earth she could say to him. "What… what happened after you stopped that guy? The one who drugged me?"

"According to the bartender, he threw the drug guy out, and you and me had about a hundred dollars worth of Kamikaze shots."

"Oh Jesus!" Olivia moaned once again putting her face in her hands. "Why the hell didn't the bartender cut us off?"

"Oh he did. I guess you threatened to arrest him and I told him I would defend him horribly and lose on purpose. Then we both started laughing and rolling on the floor at how 'purpose' sounds like 'porpoise' and then you yelled at a LOT of people that Porpoise is different than Dolphin and I threatened to step on people who disagreed with you because they're 'anty' compared to my size…"

Olivia sat in her chair, her eyes wide and her jaw halfway to the floor. She had gotten silly drunk before but not to that extent since she was in college. After several moments she cleared her throat and rubbed the back of her neck, a deep red blush breaking out on her cheeks. "Um… wow. Um… yeah I can see why we're not allowed back…."

"Oh that's not why," Trevor told her. "At one point during our night of debauchery, you started betting the bartender you were such a good shot, you could shoot a bottle of tequila off his head. Neither one of us had a pistol so you bet you could throw a shot glass and still hit center. When you actually picked up the glass is when he had us both thrown out."

Olivia moaned and shook her head, her stomach feeling just as sick as it had the morning she woke up with Trevor laying down beside her. "How the hell could we have been so stupid? We're lucky we weren't arrested."

He shrugged as he leaned against her counter. "Lucky night, I guess."

"Oh yeah, real damn lucky," she muttered under her breath. She took a deep breath and turned towards him. "Do… you remember anything after the bar? Like… if it was consensual or not?"

Trevor's face glowed a hot red and he quickly turned back towards the stove so she wouldn't see him. He had only watched the first minute or so of the movie that first dreadful morning and hadn't even picked it up since.

Not only out of respect for Olivia but because he was afraid of what he would find. If OIivia had said 'no' or tried to stop him and he took what he wanted anyway, he would have no idea how to live with himself afterwards.

He knew he should have told her the truth, he didn't know if it was at least semi consensual, but there was an easy way to find out. But instead all he did was shake his head and grumble a soft spoken 'no.'

Olivia accepted the one word answer and nodded slowly. She gathered her thoughts for a moment before she stood and made her way over to him. She leaned against the counter next to him while he continued his work on the food, ignoring her eyes like she was Medusa herself. Olivia was the first to shatter the tense, thick silence. "It… it sounds like you were just as drunk, Trevor," she said softly.

"Yeah but if you didn't want it-."

"You told me yourself if you knew I had a boyfriend you never would have touched me. Hell, we don't even like each other that much. I'm not even your type. You probably didn't want it either."

"Okay, but I chose to get drunk. You didn't choose to be drugged. And what do you mean not my type?"

Olivia shrugged and finally walked back over to him. "I've seen the girls you've dated and I've heard the stories. You like them thin, blonde, dressed in clothes that cost more than my rent… You like girls like Alex Cabot."

Trevor offered Olivia what she perceived to be a sad smile as he turned down the heat on the food. "I don't have a certain type."

"Oh please. Everyone says-"

"If everyone said the sky was yellow," he interrupted, "would that make it true just because everyone said it?"

Olivia shrugged as she grabbed two plates from her cupboard and placed them on her little kitchen island. "The difference is that I know for a fact the sky isn't yellow."

"Well whatever things you've heard about me are false. Yes, I dated Alex who meets all those criteria but we broke up after about a month."

"Alex told me," Olivia explained. "You said she was too similar to you."

"Exactly. There's no fun dating a carbon copy of yourself. But anyway, despite what the paralegals will have you believe, I've only been with 4 people, you included."

"Since you started working at the firm?"

"Since I was twenty one."

Trevor laughed out loud at Olivia's wide-eyed look. "How… how old are you again?" asked Olivia, shock evident in her voice.

"Forty five."

"Jesus," she muttered. "That's… a lot less than what I thought."

Trevor chuckled as he grabbed the two plates and scooped a serving of fish and vegetables onto her plate. "I was raised Catholic. Some of what I was taught stayed with me."

"Clearly, but you just… you seem so… cocky when it comes to women."

"Something my Uncle taught me," Trevor explained as he set the two plates down on her island and grabbed two forks. "I'm a lawyer. My clients need to feel I WILL win and I know it, no matter what it is in life. I mean when I defended you, you had confidence in me didn't you?"

Olivia shrugged and took a small forkful of fish into her mouth. "Yeah, but only because I'd seen you in court before."

"Most of my clients, hopefully, have never had to see me in court before. So they need to rely on other things about me."

"So you're saying the whole asshole womanizing thing you got going on is an act you put on for your clients?"

Trevor nodded. "Yeah. You'll get to find that out soon enough." He offered her a quick smile before he took a bite of his food.

Olivia chuckled softly and shook her head. "You're full of surprises aren't you?"

"You have no idea, Olivia."

She returned the smile before they returned back to their food. A comfortable silence encased the two of them for several long minutes as they sat at her tiny island eating the food Trevor had prepared. After a while Trevor looked up from his half finished plate of food and cleared his throat, gaining her attention. "So have you thought about what you're gonna tell the guys at work?"

Olivia's hand paused a half inch from her mouth. Slowly she lowered her fork back to her plate and cleared her throat as well. "I… I have no idea what I'm gonna tell them actually. I know I need to, and I will soon, but… I don't know. It's just a little embarrassing to have your entire work place know you're single and then all of a sudden you show up pregnant."

"Well I mean you're what, forty five?"

"Four," she corrected quickly.

"Whatever; but I mean it's not as if you're some immature sixteen year old. You're a grown woman."

Olivia nodded in agreement before she picked her fork back up. "True. Besides I can always tell them that Leo's the father."

Trevor who had just taken a bite of his fish, had to fight against spitting it back up. He wiped his mouth on his napkin and raised his brow at her. "Excuse me? You're gonna tell everyone your punk boyfriend who tried to rape you is the father of your child?"

Olivia looked at Trevor shocked at the idea she would consider anything else. Trevor's features filled with a sense of anger. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Are you kidding me right now? You're not gonna tell them I'm the father?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes like she was confused by the question. "Why would I do that?"

"Oh I don't know, perhaps because I _am_ the father?" he snapped back harsher then he normally would.

The detective sighed and ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head as she did so. "It's bad enough I got pregnant period but to have everyone know I got pregnant by you? It'd ruin me. Not to mention it'll lead IAB to a lot of questions about my integrity, the BAR will be interested in talking to you about it… it's just easier for everyone if I lie."

"And what if I don't want to lie?"

"Then you'll just have to get over that want, won't you?" she suggested rather hotly.

Trevor glared at her and leaned back in his chair. "And what? I'm never supposed to tell anyone I have a child? And what'll the people in the department gonna think when they see us together or wondering why I'm at your house so often?"

"Oh trust me, that won't be an issue."

"And why's that?"

Olivia groaned and stood up from the island, knocking over her chair as she did so. "Because I don't want you apart of my life, Trevor! I don't even like you as a person much less as the father of my child!" She ignored the stinging pain in his pond green eyes. "Besides this whole discussion may be a moot point because I may not even keep the baby!"

"Oh and you think I'm a big fan of you?" he yelled back. He was done trying to play Mr. Nice Guy when she refused to take a turn. Trevor may have been a lot of things his church warned about, but one thing was for sure is that he would NOT abandon this child, HIS child… all because the mother was embarrassed or afraid of an investigation.

Trevor let out a quick cruel laugh. "You're a bitch, Olivia! Everybody knows it, only people are too afraid to say it to your face."

"Oh and you're not?" she barked.

"No, I'm not." Trevor stormed up to her, getting within an inch of her but she refused to back down, even though he was nine inches taller than her. "You're sad and lonely and miserable and people see that you do so much and have so little. But the worst part is, if you weren't such a raging bitch to everyone outside your squad and your victims, people would feel sorry for you instead of laugh about it behind your back."

He took another step closer, ignoring the blinding white-hot fury behind her eyes, glaring down at her. "That is my child. And I am going to make sure everyone knows it, including the people you work with."

"Go right the hell ahead, Langan," she snapped. "I will deny it every damn step of the way."

"You do that, Olivia. We'll see what happens."

"Guess we will," she shot back with equal venem.

Without another word Trevor took a step back and headed towards her doorway. Without so much as a look back, he opened the door, slammed it shut, and stormed out.

**Elliot: Well that didn't take very long.**

**Olivia: For him to act like an ass?**

**Elliot: No for you to act like a bitch.**

**Olivia: Elliot!**

**Elliot: Just saying. Oh and please review. More to come later.**


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